02 December 2017

2017 in three words

Fear. Anxiety. Courage.

That sums up 2017. With 29 days left to the last month of the year, these three words still hold true. Fear. Anxiety. Courage.

The absurdity of the past week was but an exclamation point to an absurd year. The roller-coaster ride of the past week has been but one of many similar rides, with too many extreme crests and troughs it's nauseating.

You look at this picture and you see a confident woman travelling alone halfway across the world, someone who was just too happy to have made it to the home of one of her favorite authors. But what you don't see is the Xanax in her bag, prescribed by her doctor to battle panic attacks, the same panic attacks that landed her in the emergency room twice in one month. And you don't see how, two hours before she took this picture, she was a huge mess, hyperventilating, shaking, near tears, while halfway across the globe, her partner was urging her to step out of the hotel room and find distraction outside. Neither do you see how, later that day, while alone in a foreign airport, sweating in 6-degree weather, she was fighting hard not to let the darkness engulf her.

But - no matter how I'm feeling - I keep going forward. I refuse to let fear rule my life. My anxiety is but a part of me that I have to deal with; it doesn't define me and it definitely isn't me.

01 December 2017

Boho Berry Challenge: December year-end review

After reading the Boho Berry Challenge, I've been inspired to more than just write on my journal but to revamp and revive this blog as well. The past few days have been crazier than usual, which I'm beginning to think is really more of a wake-up call for me. If anything, the emotional roller-coaster ride of the past week has made me more determined to put myself first and gear for survival mode. And survival mode means reclaiming myself, finding the me that I was before before I totally lose her, and once again doing the things that used to give me so much joy. Midlife crisis much? Maybe, but there's this part of me as well who has been asking - when did I start losing myself and what can I do to find myself again?

This month's Boho Berry Challenge prompts are divided into two parts - from 1 - 16 December, they're all about looking back on the past year, and from 17 - 31 December, it's all about preparing for 2018. Today's prompt is "Introductions," which makes it a suitable first blog entry.

And this is my introduction. The December Boho Berry challenge is one of the baby steps I'm taking to reclaim myself. To look back on how my year has been and to take charge of my life again. To understand the past so I can be more mindful as I navigate the future.

Photo grabbed from Boho Berry

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